Grocery Shopping Gifts

'Just the one, thanks.'

The only place it's okay to pick your nose.

'We're trying to discourage carrier bag use.'

'It's amazing how little a thousand dollars will buy these days.'

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

"Looks like they've simplified the nutritional information."

Foods that are bad for you. Foods that are really bad for you.

'I'm on the inflation diet. Every week I spend the same amount of money and come home with less food!'

It all began with free-range chicken. Then it was organic vegetables. Next the farmers decided they should all take a year off to go find themselves.

Supermarket Self Service Checkout

"I read all package labels for my health. Now my eyes are shot!"

Which is the genetically modified corn?"

''Not a significant source of anything even remotely nutritious'...wow, Mom, can we get these?'

"....Need some of this nice mixed salad, to stick in the fridge & chuck out next week."

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

Fat Free Food, Salt Free Food, Cholesterol Free Food and Food Free Food.

"If food prices keep going up, we may have to get rid of one of the children!"

"Arrghh! - I came around the corner and tripped over that sign!"

Good foods - Bad foods.

Alphabet Soup - Now in LARGE PRINT.

'Best eaten before June and everyone's gone to bed.'

GM Foods.

'New! A bonus island of flavor!'

If you don't see what you want... ...tough! (grocery store)

'Do you have a royalty card?'

'If you have a question about our vast array of merchandise, just ask me, and I'll gladly refer you to someone who might know someone who knows something!'

'Unexpected item in bagging area.'

'It's your wife, she wants you to pick up some milk on your way home.'

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

Man knocking over brain food

Man unable to find checkout as signs say: 'Eight items or less','Cash only' and 'I'll think of something'.

"This banana I bought yesterday, when I peeled it it was empty!"

'Don't be mad, I'm just following your instructions.'

"Pay no attention, Maureen's showing off her personal financial advisor,"

'Jake's Alternate Pharmacy.'