Groceries Gifts

Supermarket customer types.

Express lane - zero items.

'I'm Les.'

'Did you remember the kola nuts. Lenny?'

Fruit Mart: Closing down, going into liquidiser.

Woman trying to push a trolley with a square wheel.

Express Lane

Complex Carbs

"Mummy! Can't we go to Tescos like everyone else?"

"It's like we're living in a banana republic, only without the bananas."

"It's the only way I can get him to come shopping with me."

"It's a plutocrot - a cross between a plutocrat and an apricot."

"Oops."

"The chicken came first. Check the expiration date."

Food popping out of a computer.

"Here's your food delivery, you bone-idle bastard."

'As many items as I want or no customer!'

Aisle 3 Loaves and fishes

'Is it me, or are these trolleys getting bigger?'

"We are here for groceries! That means no snack food. No chips...no candy...no ice cream! And that means you too, mister!"

"The customers seem to like the boss's idea!"

"I think we must have accidentally set the freezers in Fahrenheit instead of Celsius."

"Okay, lets see what we have here."

Sorry sir. It seems you have more than ten potatoes in there.

10 items or less

'Sorry, the bagboy is home sick.'

United Shopping Carts.

'How long do you reckon they've been passing off horsemeat for beef?'

'I keep thinking that I've forgotten something.'

'Would you like Paper of Plastic?'

'Excuse me sir, but that's my wife...this is your bag of potatoes.'

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

'A loaf of bread, a quart of milk, cheese. A loaf of bread, a quart of milk, cheese... a loaf of bread...'

'In this aisle I'm a real fortune teller - I 'NO' all.'

'Well what the - ugh! This is the last time I bring the dog shopping...'