Grocery Gathering Gifts

'Bloody 4WDs!'

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Twenty-first century baby walker

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

Important Food Groups

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

Dad Trophies

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Everything's gone up."

Only One Item or Fewer.

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

Witches Checkout.

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

Unusual Offers

'Diet considerations.'

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

"Okay, lets see what we have here."

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

Apple section of supermarket - 'Granny Smith's'.

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"