Gourmet Gatherer Gifts

Mushroom Foraging

Champagne speaking to lobster about going to the Derby

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

To do before Saturday...

The Main Types of Cheese

Too much cilantro

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'Is this still America?'

Cheese

Holiday Supplies

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

Victorian Fast Food - 'I'll have the lark pie festooned with eels, a full stilton, two bottles of port,,,'

"The bagels are better in New York."

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."