Gourmet Scavenger Gifts

Culture Vultures

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

La Table

"You're the lid to my pot."

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

I wish I'd had the review.

"Cancel the trip. The cook didn't get a visa."

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Holiday Supplies

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"I don’t know, Margaret. She looks like the type who makes exotic stuffings."

"It's a Haiku Dinner."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"I think foie gras is French for endless buffet."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"