Grocery Getter Gifts

Remember to buy snap peas.

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Twenty-first century baby walker

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Important Food Groups

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Dad Trophies

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

Non-Humble Pie.

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"

"Since you're skiing down to the store, we could use a whole lot more steaks."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Everything's gone up."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Berries, Roots, Tubers, Stems, Leaves.

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

'Diet considerations.'

Unusual Offers

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

'Do we have any alligator pears?'