Grocery Getter Pillows

Remember to buy snap peas.

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Twenty-first century baby walker

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Important Food Groups

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

Dad Trophies

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

"Since you're skiing down to the store, we could use a whole lot more steaks."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Non-Humble Pie.

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Everything's gone up."

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

Berries, Roots, Tubers, Stems, Leaves.

Witches Checkout.

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

'Diet considerations.'

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'