Grocery Stores Gifts

'Darn it Mother! I'm not MISSING! I'm just working DOUBLES this month!'

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Twenty-first century baby walker

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

Important Food Groups

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

Dad Trophies

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Since you're skiing down to the store, we could use a whole lot more steaks."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"

Non-Humble Pie.

"Everything's gone up."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

Berries, Roots, Tubers, Stems, Leaves.

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

Unusual Offers

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'