Food Stores Gifts

Supermarket. The free-range chicken? … The last I saw it, it was in aisles 3, 7 and 12.

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

Personal Assistants.

Attack of the 'health' foods

Low Hanging Fruit

'Look, Mum, those loaves have had some babies!'

Supermarket Merge

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

"The checkout clerk will now testily remind you to press 'ok'."

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

"...and most of all, thank you for pre-cooked holiday meals from the supermarket!"

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

"Sorry, Martin, but because you're the weakest link in our food chain here, you're fired."

Organic foods stand manned by stallholder using fly spray.

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

"That's when we put those expensive organic snacks in the vending machines."

It all began with free-range chicken. Then it was organic vegetables. Next the farmers decided they should all take a year off to go find themselves.

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

"All I've got left is smoked."

'I'm all for GM food, it's done wonders for my profit margins!'

'What if your saliva's not organic?'

"Avez-vous Cocoa Puffs?"

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

Shepherd buying a shepherd's pie.

"It's just that I would be more thankful if we had roast beef."

Till malfunction

"I'm not sure our family's ready for kombucha, hon."

'See, money can buy happiness and I have a dollar off coupon, too!'

"What's upscale today, Joey?"

Generic Products

"I need one of them and one of them..."

'Face it, 24 hour grocery stores were made for people like us.'