Health Food Retailer Gifts

"It's mineral water, sir - of course there are rocks and sand in it."

Thank heaven our Health Foods Division made a profit.

"That's when we put those expensive organic snacks in the vending machines."

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

Queen of Quinoa

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"This is locally grown and good for the environment, but it may give you greenhouse gas."

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

Spontaneous Kombucha

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

'Diet considerations.'

'great win, kids! Let's celebrate... My treat!!'

"They're healthy? All this time, Mom said carrots and raisins were nature's candy!"

"Only 35% CACAO? I'll have to eat TWICE as much then!"

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

"My mom is a vegetarian, so she doesn't bring home the bacon. She brings home kale and quinoa."

"Albino broccoli mum!"

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

'VEGETARIAN ZOMBIES' BW

The Nihilist Deli.

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

I assure you the animals didn't suffer. All of our meat comes from animals who died naturally of old age while vacationing in Miami.

Friendly bacteria