Food Shopper Gifts

"I just want Velveetaaaaaaa!"

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Twenty-first century baby walker

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

Important Food Groups

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

Dad Trophies

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

"Everything's gone up."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Only One Item or Fewer.

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

Unusual Offers

Witches Checkout.

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

'Diet considerations.'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

Apple section of supermarket - 'Granny Smith's'.

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.