Grocery Business Gifts

Grocer's school teaching bad spellings.

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

Bad for you but to die for

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Twenty-first century baby walker

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

Thank you, Essential Workers

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Important Food Groups

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

Dad Trophies

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

"Oh my god -- I can't believe it's real butter!"

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Everything's gone up."

Non-Humble Pie.

"Since you're skiing down to the store, we could use a whole lot more steaks."

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"

Only One Item or Fewer.

Berries, Roots, Tubers, Stems, Leaves.

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'