Grocery Stores T-Shirts

'Darn it Mother! I'm not MISSING! I'm just working DOUBLES this month!'

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Twenty-first century baby walker

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

Important Food Groups

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

Dad Trophies

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"Everything's gone up."

Only One Item or Fewer.

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Since you're skiing down to the store, we could use a whole lot more steaks."

Non-Humble Pie.

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"

Berries, Roots, Tubers, Stems, Leaves.

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'