Gridiron Guardians Gifts

"And coach says to hurry it up because we're delaying '60 Minutes.'"

The Jeopardy of Progress

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"He likes it."

Deaths from Coronavirus

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

The Bearskin Hat Family

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

Football team discussions.

Input From The Front Office

Mark Gastineau

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

Snowman Football Fan.

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

Bleak House

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

Before instant replay.

Forest Management

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

'... I'll take the handoff to the tailback, then give the ball to my stunt double here, and he will dive head-first into the end zone.'