Gridiron Warriors Gifts

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also getting compensation for closed-head injuries."

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Football team discussions.

Input From The Front Office

Tortoise and hare on treadmills.

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

Mark Gastineau

American Football.

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Punishment for the kicker.

So those are your 'weapons of mass destruction? - Slugs?

Snowman Football Fan.

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

Football.

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

'Get out there, Holmes, and pile on!'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

"Well, dad. . . when I was a kid I got in trouble for trampling on the lawn or for beating up others. . . today, I get a lot of money for it!"

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

Before instant replay.