Gridiron Guru Gifts

'Look up... Look down... Look at my thumb. Gee, You're...'

"It's a game of power, speed, agility, and grace, but, most of all, Tom, it's a game of points."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Super Bowl Sunday sermon: "Is it better to kick off or receive?"

Atlas holds up a football.

Input From The Front Office

Another motorist fails the field spiral test.

'Listen up. ... When the ball is snapped, I want you to sprint for the end zone, cut through the tunnel, run out the gate, and don't ever come back.'

'He destroyed his inner balance! ... Get the yoga coach!'

"You can't tell me what to do! You're not my wife!"

Speed Trumps Size.

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

'The quarterback's trajectory must rise by ten per cent or they lose by six on Sunday.'

'I don't want to mention any names, but one of you isn't giving 100% out there.'

'...There's this big dude on the other side. Nobody look! But, every time we try anything he comes after me. Now, what's that all about?'

'How's that kidney transplant going?... I need him back on the field - pronto!'

'Getting warmer... warmer... hot... boiling hot...'

'I just can't say for certain. They all look the same in those uniforms. ...All I know it that he said he kicks field goals for a living.'

What football coaches and players can learn from a loss

"Your husband has been diagnosed with 'football fever.' It's a common illness this time of year."

Friendly fire!

'The sad part is, the kid still doesn't get why his stock has plummeted...'

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

'Quick! -- Who won the last eleven Superbowls?'

'Do you have anything you'd like to say to me before the football season starts?'

'Well, he's got all the right tools, but the big question remains: Can he play quarterback in the NFL?'

'Just made a pass. I'm running for the end zone.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'... Shoes, helmets, shoulder-pads, jock-straps, socks... I'll tell you what. A coach can't ask much more of his players. They left it all on the field today.'

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

"Mendez, fake like you're going to retire in order to spend more time with family, then go wide right."

"The kick is up, and it's, it's, it's too close to call!"

People playing football on a bridge

"Holding superstar quarterback accountable—token penalty after the kickoff."

"Walk it off, Butler!"