Gridiron Guru T-Shirts

'Look up... Look down... Look at my thumb. Gee, You're...'

"It's a game of power, speed, agility, and grace, but, most of all, Tom, it's a game of points."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Super Bowl Sunday sermon: "Is it better to kick off or receive?"

Atlas holds up a football.

Another motorist fails the field spiral test.

Input From The Front Office

Speed Trumps Size.

'Listen up. ... When the ball is snapped, I want you to sprint for the end zone, cut through the tunnel, run out the gate, and don't ever come back.'

Vikings to the Super bowl.

'He destroyed his inner balance! ... Get the yoga coach!'

"You can't tell me what to do! You're not my wife!"

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

What football coaches and players can learn from a loss

'...There's this big dude on the other side. Nobody look! But, every time we try anything he comes after me. Now, what's that all about?'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'Just made a pass. I'm running for the end zone.'

Go Favre

'I don't want to mention any names, but one of you isn't giving 100% out there.'

'The quarterback's trajectory must rise by ten per cent or they lose by six on Sunday.'

'How's that kidney transplant going?... I need him back on the field - pronto!'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

"That replacement ref is going to get me killed before I can collect the bounty on the other team's quarterback."

Friendly fire!

'Here.'

'Getting warmer... warmer... hot... boiling hot...'

"Your husband has been diagnosed with 'football fever.' It's a common illness this time of year."

'The sad part is, the kid still doesn't get why his stock has plummeted...'

'Do you have anything you'd like to say to me before the football season starts?'

'I just can't say for certain. They all look the same in those uniforms. ...All I know it that he said he kicks field goals for a living.'

'Quick! -- Who won the last eleven Superbowls?'

'Well, he's got all the right tools, but the big question remains: Can he play quarterback in the NFL?'

'... Shoes, helmets, shoulder-pads, jock-straps, socks... I'll tell you what. A coach can't ask much more of his players. They left it all on the field today.'

Sack me.