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'Listen up! Me and Everyone else will run for our lives. Dewey You stay back and block.'

'Today's session will be on bail bondsmen.'

The Football Bank Robber.

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'Running the ball didn't work. Passing the ball failed... the military option was a last resort.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

The MBA Draft

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

I can't decide. Should I go to soccer camp 3 weeks in a row? Or soccer, then baseball then lacrosse camp? 3 soccers. Isn't overspecializing at his age bad? Possibly. But 3 different sports means�buying 3 different sets of expensive equipment. Right, He does have a mean corner kick.

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

Perils of the double play.

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

'Let's go over our secret play.'

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

'You should have taken up the game earlier.'

The Other Cooperstown

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

"I love fast break business success."

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Football team discussions.

Input From The Front Office

'You are dreaming the impossible team.'

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

"When you put on the uniform, you surrender a part of yourself."

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

Mark Gastineau