Gridiron Strategist Pillows

'Listen up! Me and Everyone else will run for our lives. Dewey You stay back and block.'

'Today's session will be on bail bondsmen.'

The Football Bank Robber.

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'Running the ball didn't work. Passing the ball failed... the military option was a last resort.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

The MBA Draft

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

Perils of the double play.

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

The Other Cooperstown

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

'You should have taken up the game earlier.'

"Now, suppose some guy comes at you balanced between two blocks."

'Let's go over our secret play.'

"I love fast break business success."

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Football team discussions.

Input From The Front Office

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

Mark Gastineau

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

"When you put on the uniform, you surrender a part of yourself."

'You are dreaming the impossible team.'

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

"They play union in heaven... where do they play football?"