Gridiron Tactician Pillows

'What the . . . no wonder we can't gain any yards. We've been fitted with radio collars...'

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Alternative fielding positions

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

Do you want to win the game or my business?

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"Weather like this plagued my retreat from Moscow."

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

Football team discussions.

Input From The Front Office

'Sir, your tweeting coach is here.'

I love Basketball.

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

Mark Gastineau

American Football.

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

Carlo Ancelotti

"I just tweeted a chirp."

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

Snowman Football Fan.

Football.

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

'The score is tied and we've only got a 20-second timeout, so we've gotta be quick. ... I'm 'X'. Who wants to be 'O'?'

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

"I hear it's because we're right and they're wrong."

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'