Gridiron Enthusiast Pillows

'For the last time, Jeff, it's called a huddle! Stop saying Group Hug!'

Dibs!

'Stop! It's football season!!'

Once reintroduced back into the wild, most linebackers quickly adjust, forming packs and regaining hunting instincts that had lain dormant in captivity.

During rutting season, the male helmets battle for dominance of the herd.

'...This is scary. We're dealing with a linebacker who blitzes just for the thrill of it.'

'They fooled us with the scream pass again!'

'Wait! We can share credit for the sack... Frank, you hit him high. Dewey, hit him low. I'll take the middle.'

"I'd say your pride trumps mine!!!" "Me, too!!!"

'They call me 'ka-ching'...I'm the go-to cash player.'

'My turn! Kick me next!!'

'There goes a flag... could be a face-mask penalty.'

'Flag?! You're taking the aggressiveness out of the game!'

'If it's alright with your agent, Kolwalski, I'd like to hand the ball off to you.'

'Are you sure it's safe to be carrying that thing around in this part of town?'

'... Bailey, squashed. Monroe, legs ripped off. Gutierrez,squashed. Sengelmann, squashed. Binegar, legs ripped off...'

'Harold has a difficult time accepting constructive criticism.'

'These should help me compensate for my lack of speed.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

If nobody had invented graphics

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

Football Chameleon

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

Ratminton

Gary turns 40.