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'Hey, I'm just happy to have made the practice squad of an NFL team. And if I do a good job, who knows?'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Another football scholarship offer?'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Football team discussions.

Input From The Front Office

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

Mark Gastineau

American Football.

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Snowman Football Fan.

Punishment for the kicker.

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

Football.

"I'd say your pride trumps mine!!!" "Me, too!!!"

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

"Well, dad. . . when I was a kid I got in trouble for trampling on the lawn or for beating up others. . . today, I get a lot of money for it!"

Before instant replay.

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.