Gridiron Giant Gifts

'Whoa! Don't try to be a hero. It's too late for Dan, but let this be a lesson...'

"All you gotta do for a million bucks, big guy, is show up on weekends and run down the field with this ball."

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Football team discussions.

Input From The Front Office

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

Mark Gastineau

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

American Football.

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

Football.

Snowman Football Fan.

Punishment for the kicker.

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

"I'd say your pride trumps mine!!!" "Me, too!!!"

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

Before instant replay.

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

"Well, dad. . . when I was a kid I got in trouble for trampling on the lawn or for beating up others. . . today, I get a lot of money for it!"

'Get out there, Holmes, and pile on!'