Gridiron Greats Gifts

"I had no idea they gave out Superbowl participation rings."

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Football team discussions.

Input From The Front Office

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

Mark Gastineau

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Snowman Football Fan.

"I'd say your pride trumps mine!!!" "Me, too!!!"

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

Before instant replay.

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

"You're back! You're really back...!"

Vikings to the Super bowl.

'My knee's in rehab. This one's a loaner.'

Once reintroduced back into the wild, most linebackers quickly adjust, forming packs and regaining hunting instincts that had lain dormant in captivity.

At least Sunday is still a holy day.

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

Just as he was about to be annihilated, Dirk makes an amazing discovery,

'... I'll take the handoff to the tailback, then give the ball to my stunt double here, and he will dive head-first into the end zone.'

'My turn! Kick me next!!'