Gridiron Gift-givers Gifts

Touchdown Santa!

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Football team discussions.

Input From The Front Office

Mark Gastineau

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Snowman Football Fan.

"I'd say your pride trumps mine!!!" "Me, too!!!"

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

Before instant replay.

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

It's the thought that counts!

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

'My knee's in rehab. This one's a loaner.'

"Don't look him in the mouth! Don't look him in the mouuuthhh!!"

"Christmas day or nor, it was under the tree! How could you expect me not to peek?"

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

"I'm sure he was a great blocker when he was playing, but I doubt he'll be a great ad blocker."

Once reintroduced back into the wild, most linebackers quickly adjust, forming packs and regaining hunting instincts that had lain dormant in captivity.