Gridiron Gurus Gifts

Football team discussions.

'Go long!'

'Upon further review, it has been determined that the quarterback did not fumble the ball...'

The Quarterback

At least Sunday is still a holy day.

Defense Weapon

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Input From The Front Office

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

Mark Gastineau

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Snowman Football Fan.

"I'd say your pride trumps mine!!!" "Me, too!!!"

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

'We're in a fantasy team owners' league, we locked out our players and came here to yuck it up.'

Before instant replay.

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

"I'm sure he was a great blocker when he was playing, but I doubt he'll be a great ad blocker."

'My turn! Kick me next!!'

'... I'll take the handoff to the tailback, then give the ball to my stunt double here, and he will dive head-first into the end zone.'

Once reintroduced back into the wild, most linebackers quickly adjust, forming packs and regaining hunting instincts that had lain dormant in captivity.