Gridiron Gurus Gifts

Football team discussions.

'Go long!'

The NFL is forced to add a new penalty to the rule book.

'Upon further review, it has been determined that the quarterback did not fumble the ball...'

The Quarterback

At least Sunday is still a holy day.

'...If there is no progress in the negotiations it could bring the nation to its knees.'

Defense Weapon

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

Check your universal remote control at the door.

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

"Yes! I hit a triple. Woo-hoo."

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

Input From The Front Office

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

Mark Gastineau

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

Snowman Football Fan.

"I'd say your pride trumps mine!!!" "Me, too!!!"

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

'When Einstein wrote about time and relativity he must have been watching a football game where the last 30 seconds took two hours.'

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

'We're in a fantasy team owners' league, we locked out our players and came here to yuck it up.'

Before instant replay.