Gridiron Junkie Gifts

College Football

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Input From The Front Office

"This is his fifteenth successive Olympics."

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

Mark Gastineau

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

"I'd say your pride trumps mine!!!" "Me, too!!!"

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Snowman Football Fan.

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

Before instant replay.

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

'My knee's in rehab. This one's a loaner.'

'My turn! Kick me next!!'

'... I'll take the handoff to the tailback, then give the ball to my stunt double here, and he will dive head-first into the end zone.'

'He hibernates between superbowls.'

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

"I'm sure he was a great blocker when he was playing, but I doubt he'll be a great ad blocker."

Once reintroduced back into the wild, most linebackers quickly adjust, forming packs and regaining hunting instincts that had lain dormant in captivity.