Gridiron Warriors Prints

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

Football team discussions.

Input From The Front Office

American Football.

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

Mark Gastineau

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

So those are your 'weapons of mass destruction? - Slugs?

Football.

Punishment for the kicker.

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

Snowman Football Fan.

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Before instant replay.

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

"Well, dad. . . when I was a kid I got in trouble for trampling on the lawn or for beating up others. . . today, I get a lot of money for it!"

'Get out there, Holmes, and pile on!'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."