Gothic Guardians Gifts

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

The Jeopardy of Progress

Edgar Allen Poe

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

"He likes it."

Deaths from Coronavirus

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

Giant Monster in Bath

"Nevermore." "You don't have to use 'air quoths' every time."

"Where’s your sense of Gothic romance?"

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

'You see, we don't have any children, so he's kind of our baby.'

The Bearskin Hat Family

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

'I may not know about DNA, but I sure as hell know about recombinant.'

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

The Raven in Flight

Trilby - 'Oh my poor girl! my poor girl!'

Punkins

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

"What'd you think the zipper on my face was for?"

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

Cosmetic Stone Mason.

Trilby - 'Ca fera une fameuse crapule de moins'

Robert Drake

"I have to say, sleeping in a coffin is way better since I got the box spring."

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

Edgar Allan Poe

Trilby - 'Oh don't you remember sweet Alice, Ben Bolt?'

"No monster, when I said 'lend me a hand'..."

Life is ghoul

Bleak House

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

"Graveyards always put me ill at ease."