Guardians Gifts

"If you connect the measles, it spells out 'My parents are idiots.'"

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"I can't keep track of him, but I trust Google can."

Toddler NO shirt - 'Saves time.'

'You couldn't just lock him up somewhere, could you?'

"If the stock market goes to infinity, would we be able to pay off the national debt?"

'Billy, stop that'

'Isn't it great Darling: The kids are now old enough to have dinner ready when we get home...'

"We're Timmy's official body guardians."

"... So, let me get this straight. You're telling me that your school is downsizing and they had to make you redundant?"

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

'The kids just get so upset when a pet dies, so we decided to get one of these tortoises that live to be 150.'

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

Never divulge your credit card pin number to your children!'

Children's Retail Park

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

'What do you mean give the boy a house key? He'll lose it, learn how to break in despite our sophisticated security system and be on his way to a life of crime.'

"..now he finally understands about the birds and the bees."

Sometimes I worry about you, Axel. Teenagers are a big source of anxiety for their guardians. You don

"I can assure you this call is perfectly legal. Timmy's driving."

"He likes it."

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

"He's allergic to peanuts, sensitive to wheat, lactose-intolerant, and just plain weirded out by fruit."

City Zoo: Day Care

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Tommy!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"