Guards Gifts

"Technically, I'm guarding two posts."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"He likes it."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

'Now that's an afro!'

"Tommy!"

High security Santa's grotto

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'Where was the TSA?'

McMorkim's Cheeses Security A gang of mice wheeling in a giant mousetrap with Pizza and Beer as bait to a Security Guard's post hoping to gain access to a cheese Factory if the Guard is trapped.

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

dog vs UFO...

The Hall Of Mirrors Jeretski Palace, Plovdo

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

No Soliciting

A Hard Look At Hard Looks

"I need to know who started it."

"Look, it's my word balloon."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

"According to the map, the treasure should be right behind that door."