Guards Gifts

"Technically, I'm guarding two posts."

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

The Zoo.

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"He likes it."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

'Now that's an afro!'

"Tommy!"

High security Santa's grotto

McMorkim's Cheeses Security A gang of mice wheeling in a giant mousetrap with Pizza and Beer as bait to a Security Guard's post hoping to gain access to a cheese Factory if the Guard is trapped.

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

'Where was the TSA?'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

dog vs UFO...

No Soliciting

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"I need to know who started it."

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

A Hard Look At Hard Looks

The Hall Of Mirrors Jeretski Palace, Plovdo

"Look, it's my word balloon."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'