Guarding Gifts

"Post traumatic stress disorder."

dog vs UFO...

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"He likes it."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Tommy!"

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

High security Santa's grotto

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

McMorkim's Cheeses Security A gang of mice wheeling in a giant mousetrap with Pizza and Beer as bait to a Security Guard's post hoping to gain access to a cheese Factory if the Guard is trapped.

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

'Where was the TSA?'

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

A Hard Look At Hard Looks

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

The Hall Of Mirrors Jeretski Palace, Plovdo

"I need to know who started it."

"He's a guard dog."

"I used to be your old school teacher, I always said you would amount to nothing."

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

"Look, it's my word balloon."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."