Guarding Aficionado Gifts

"He's a guard dog."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

Golfing Boss

It is best dealt with by the 'Pitch and Run Shot'.

Brian's canine Tread-o-Sod saved him the trouble of cleaning up after Mitzi.

The Origami Society...

'He always tees off like that. He used to throw the discus in college.'

Earthlings, show us your sporting interests. This is golf. Hit the ball with the club. This is tennis. Hit that ball with the racket. This is volleyball. Hit that ball with your hand. Hitting, hitting, hitting. It's all so violent. How do you relax? We hit the hot tub.

"Yes, sir, Dave. Out here, under the big sky, I always get back in touch with who I am."

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'Just think of it -- 'CSI Mayberry,' with Robert DeNiro as Andy and Wesley Snipes as Barney!'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"Want to find out if you're also king of the swamp?"

'I love these senior citizen discounts.'

Michael Caine

"I see you've flown around the world in a plane, and settled revolutions in Spain. Around a golf course you're under par. Metro-Goldwyn has asked you to star. Very impressive, I must admit, but we're looking for someone with marketing experience."

"It's General Douglas MacArthur."

The Lawman

"I'm retired now - since I sold my 'know when you're naughty or nice' technology to NSA last year."

'Don't worry, the dog's a sales manager!'

"Ya know, dad...I get to pretend I'm a superhero because of real heroes like you."

'I suggest we wait at the pub until this bird realizes that it's hatching your golf ball.'

'How about that? -- Lady Godiva got a bouffant!'

Army Man Playset 2020

"Henry took a shower yesterday right next to Winthrop Rockefeller."

'Looks like that pheasant got into the sticker bushes.'

All kidding aside, let me explain why I get to call you Al, yet you have to call me Dr. Kapuchnik. It's simply because I'm a psychiatrist and you're a bum. It's nothing personal. Thanks for explaining. I feel better.

'Sorry to leave you in the lurch but this trip is important'

"Mrs. Barnes is to have a complete head-to-toe – she's to be the victim in a bandage-instruction class."

'Don't mind him, he gets that way every Opening Day when I tell him he can't have a gun.'

"To maintain proper respect for management, you have to call me 'Boss Joey!' Unless, you know, you don't want to."

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"Can I play with your ball, Mister, if you're not using it?"

'In Grandma's time, men were hunters, while women were cleaners and shoppers. Now daddy and mommy are both hunters, but on wekends, mommy still cleans and shops, while daddy is a golfer.'

"I just installed a home security monitor."