Guardsman Gifts

Soldier and wife with a baby

A Rigid Sense of Duty.

'I worry a lot.'

"be embarrassed,modom-lots of people have feet your size..."

"I've got to admit it's an impressive helmet, but how do you know it's genuine bear skin?"

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"He likes it."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

'Now that's an afro!'

"Tommy!"

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

High security Santa's grotto

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

'Where was the TSA?'

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

McMorkim's Cheeses Security A gang of mice wheeling in a giant mousetrap with Pizza and Beer as bait to a Security Guard's post hoping to gain access to a cheese Factory if the Guard is trapped.

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

"I need to know who started it."

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

The Hall Of Mirrors Jeretski Palace, Plovdo

A Hard Look At Hard Looks