Grade Philosopher Gifts

"Arithmetic doesn't agree with me."

"I got all 'Cs', but I call that an 'A' report card...'A' for 'Average.'"

'Well, so my grades are A,B,C,D... at least I'm learning my alphabet.'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I'll bet all of Albert Einstein's teachers felt like idiots for giving him bad grades too."

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

"Could I ask just one question?"

"One year closer to college!"

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"If wisdom comes with age, what are we doing here at eight and a half?"

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

'How much stuff can I get away with and still go to heaven?'

"I'm here for the hair."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

Philosopher trading cards.

'After you grade my report, may I have my intellectual property back?'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

Life after death

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

'Yeah, bit how does the stork get into the maternity room?'

"Daddy, instead of the princess story tonight, can you explain how and why manifest destiny eliminated the American Indians?"

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

'All dogs have 4 legs. Tabby has 4 legs. But I'm just a kid, so I don't have to think logically.'

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.