Golf Club Jester Gifts

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"We're following Carrot Top."

Man retrives a mermaid from his swimming trunks after a swim in the sea

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

Women in a cross country race

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

Beer Order

A woman takes a pterodactyl on a run.

"#notguilty."

Stepping on clown's shoe...

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Yawning barristers in court

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'He started it!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

Justice

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"I got probation."

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'