Golf Club Jester Pillows

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"We're following Carrot Top."

Man retrives a mermaid from his swimming trunks after a swim in the sea

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

Beer Order

Women in a cross country race

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

A woman takes a pterodactyl on a run.

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"#notguilty."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Yawning barristers in court

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'He started it!'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"I got probation."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

Sub Post Office/Sub-Justice

Justice