Golf Jester Pillows

Santa playing golf.

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

Man retrives a mermaid from his swimming trunks after a swim in the sea

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

A woman takes a pterodactyl on a run.

"#notguilty."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Women in a cross country race

Beer Order

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

Yawning barristers in court

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'He started it!'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

Justice

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

"You are aware that’s a golf ball?"

"I got probation."

Sub Post Office/Sub-Justice

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."