Tennis Jester Pillows

"Shh, too much racket."

"We're following Carrot Top."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"#notguilty."

Women in a cross country race

A woman takes a pterodactyl on a run.

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Beer Order

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'To make up for the decline in snail mail deliveries, I've taken to biting my master every time he gets an e-mail.'

Yawning barristers in court

A baby in court

Bad Interview Technique

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'The English player has hit the net more times than the entire England team in the football World Cup!'

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'He started it!'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."