Tennis Jester Pillows

"Shh, too much racket."

"We're following Carrot Top."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

Beer Order

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

A woman takes a pterodactyl on a run.

Women in a cross country race

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"#notguilty."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

Stepping on clown's shoe...

'To make up for the decline in snail mail deliveries, I've taken to biting my master every time he gets an e-mail.'

Yawning barristers in court

Bad Interview Technique

A baby in court

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'He started it!'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'