Golf Jokester Pillows

"I've decided to return to my first passion in life—selling drugs to kids."

'Water hazards are no problem if you play golf in the winter.'

'Dinna play golf in your kilt.'

'Vodka!'

"You are aware that’s a golf ball?"

'Now that should make it a bit easier.'

Donald Trump Playing Golf With Hair On Fire

It is best dealt with by the 'Pitch and Run Shot'.

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

'I don't think there's any hope for my golf game.'

Helicopter dropping golf balls onto a green.

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

Hole in forty-seven.

'Wait! Better give me the big one.'

Golf Score Reducer

Golf Hil Divot

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

Dieter Miller veloped the talking golf ball to call out when lost in the rough. But... (ouch, ouch, ouch)

"I enjoy the game so much more since they invented the self-driving ball!"

'One of the quickest ways to meet people is to pick up the wrong ball.'

"I've never seen a gimme taken on a fareway before."

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

"In this situation, I'd suggest a 5-word sentence with an action verb but hold the exclamation mark."

'My name is John and I'm a golfaholic!'

TOLD YOU TO TAKE LESSONS FROM GOLF PRO

'I'll be with you in a minute.'

'Keep playing like that and you'll strike oil!'

I've had a fantastic round, I've even got a ball left over!

'We plan to introduce bodychecking and fistfights to the game.'

'Trick play! Trick play!'