Golf Course Jokester Pillows

'I just found out my wife ran away with my best friend. NOW who am I supposed to play golf with?'

"Well you always said you'd get your name in the trophy cabinet, Jennings."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

"You are aware that’s a golf ball?"

"Okay...just this once...but no more practice swings!"

"Remember when we were young and could finish a round without one of us having to run off to mark his territory?"

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

'Do you think anyone will notice my funny hat shaped like a fish?'

'While my guitar gently creeks.'

Dieter Miller veloped the talking golf ball to call out when lost in the rough. But... (ouch, ouch, ouch)

"Oooh! I never knew your butt could move like that, honey!"

'Vodka!'

'You're the only person I know who takes divots on the green.'

'Have I told you that sometimes I become furious, that I've got a previous conviction for bodily harm and that I hate to lose?'

'Washing hanging on the golf flag.'

Suddenly, on the 18th tee at Augusta, Leonard whales on his air guitar right in the middle of a backswing.

"So he pulls out a 1 iorn, see? I say to him. Bob I says, not even God can hit a 1 iron. Then, there was a flash of light and boom!"

'I'm sure it is comfortable. But you really should use a golf cart like the rest of us.'

'I'll look for the ball. You look for the club.'

'Dinna play golf in your kilt.'

'... Before you two tee off, however, I must explain our playoff rules, as they differ somewhat from 'sudden death' rules in other golf tournaments.'

'Gloria, tell my nine-o'clock to go to hell.'

If golfers were honest with themselves.

'...But Dewey here just won't let it go. So he tells Vern, 'Ok, I triple-dog-dare you to stick a putter in your ear'...'

The game requires no great physical strength...

"How 'bout them brakes, huh?"