Golf Course Jokester Gifts

'I just found out my wife ran away with my best friend. NOW who am I supposed to play golf with?'

"Well you always said you'd get your name in the trophy cabinet, Jennings."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'Hole in one!!!!'

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

"You are aware that’s a golf ball?"

"Okay...just this once...but no more practice swings!"

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"Remember when we were young and could finish a round without one of us having to run off to mark his territory?"

Putt-putt. Drive-Drive. (Two minature golf courses. Golfer at first hits putt. Golfer at second is hit in head by golfball that has been hit as a drive.)

It's a tradition. On hole number 1 in the first round of the season, Ernie always says that's the best shot I've hit this year!

'While my guitar gently creeks.'

'Do you think anyone will notice my funny hat shaped like a fish?'

Dieter Miller veloped the talking golf ball to call out when lost in the rough. But... (ouch, ouch, ouch)

"Oooh! I never knew your butt could move like that, honey!"

"Hurry up Ted, or are you going to spend all day in that bunker?"

'Confessing your sins in a folk ballad was an interesting idea, Larry, but I'm afraid your singing has forced me to add one more sin to your list!'

Jurassic Par.

'Vodka!'

'You're the only person I know who takes divots on the green.'

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

'Washing hanging on the golf flag.'

"So he pulls out a 1 iorn, see? I say to him. Bob I says, not even God can hit a 1 iron. Then, there was a flash of light and boom!"

'Have I told you that sometimes I become furious, that I've got a previous conviction for bodily harm and that I hate to lose?'

Suddenly, on the 18th tee at Augusta, Leonard whales on his air guitar right in the middle of a backswing.

'I'm sure it is comfortable. But you really should use a golf cart like the rest of us.'

'I'll look for the ball. You look for the club.'

'Dinna play golf in your kilt.'

'... Before you two tee off, however, I must explain our playoff rules, as they differ somewhat from 'sudden death' rules in other golf tournaments.'

If golfers were honest with themselves.

The game requires no great physical strength...

'Gloria, tell my nine-o'clock to go to hell.'

'...But Dewey here just won't let it go. So he tells Vern, 'Ok, I triple-dog-dare you to stick a putter in your ear'...'