Geriatric Warrior Gifts

Acme Optometry, YOU owe $25.00.

Humans...What is their purpose?

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"I love you too, big guy."

"This has nothing to do with you ... this is between us and the tree."

The eco club is starting a locavore movement here at school. "Loco" what? Eating fresh food, grown locally. So? So everyone eats healthier and uses less energy. Um � Ok. I'll tell my mom. Who are those people. Locobores.

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

Indigenous knowledge vs. climate projections and weather forecasts.

"First break since 2008."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'Kiddie school is teaching about sharing; and someone shared their cold with Jennie,'

Hand sanitizer

Fish want out of polluted river.

'Doesn't it feel good to be taking care of our planet?'

'May the forest be with you.'

Beware of the 4th quarter.

Meanwhile, back on planet earth...Greenland's ice sheet is melting faster than previously thought, sea levels could rise..."

Look! There's a photo of our eco club's Earth Day actions in the newspaper! Sports. Power up the green machine!! I could use more copies. Me too. They're going to really power up my college applications.

"Tempting, but I'm on a plastic cleanse this week."

I want to talk about the environment...

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

Infection Control Center. Now Hiring. I should have said "I'm not afraid of hard work" rather than "I don't mind getting my hands dirty."

"What I miss during school holidays is not going out on strike every Friday."

The Authentic Christmas.

"Al Gore happens to be a friend of mine."

It's the biofuel generation.

Urban cops protecting a flower growing in the city.

"You look like you could use a hug."

"Those eco-terrorists are going to cost us a FORTUNE!!"

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

'Sure I care about the ozone and the environment. But what can I do? I'm just a bump on a log?'

"What am I, chopped liver?"

The glass is half full. - '' - 'The glass is half empty' - '' - 'Gah!! No clean glasses!!' - '' -

The oil trap.

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'