Aging Warrior Gifts

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

'I'm not sure what's worse: Not having health care, or being so far gone I don't care.'

'Baby boomer caught up in the aging process.'

"I'm way past mid-life crisis and knee-deep in old age rage!"

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"First break since 2008."

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

Sudok Fu: Sign up for class today!

'It's a beautiful lighthouse. However, hauling the batteries up the stairs has taken its toll on my back.'

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

Burn out

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

When collective bargaining is outlawed!: 'To work here, you have to wear this metal collar!'

"Why did we get a Cheetah? They need so much walking."

A "Park and Walk" near New York City.

"Now we're really in trouble!!! It's the Power Walking Dead!!!"

'Instead of a black belt, some of our older students, like Mr. Mertz here, prefer the black suspenders.'

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

"I'm trying to determine if the aches and pains are from an injury or just my new normal."

Old age is crueller than you think kid!"

'I've reached that age where I've given up on Mind Over Matter and am concentrating on Mind Over Bladder.'

"I'm old. What's good for that?"

'I asked my doc for a diet plan and it works great - thanks to his usurious bills, I can't afford a car or taxis and that's why I'm losing weight by walking!'

"My day? Don't even get me started!"

'I have stomach cramps.' - 'Oh.' - 'It feels like a cat raking its claws down the inside of my stomach.' - 'Oh.' - 'Raking in a good way or a bad way?' -

Age Concern and Pension concerns.

'I'm taking the kid for a walk, he's overweight!'

'If he's forgotten my birthday again, he can cook his own supper!'

'At the Old Players' Home. . .

"A reunion tour sounds good. Assuming we can afford the extra bus to haul your medication."

"I fed the baby but if you don't want to see the results look away now."

"Body milk is rubbish! Not only does it taste awful in my coffee but I still have my wrinkles!"

"My life is one unending pop-up ad."

'That's right, buddy. Keep moving after the young ones. We've had enough of this ‘weeding out the old and sick' business.'