Aging Warriors Gifts

'That's right, buddy. Keep moving after the young ones. We've had enough of this ‘weeding out the old and sick' business.'

"I'm trying to determine if the aches and pains are from an injury or just my new normal."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"First break since 2008."

"Sure, money may be imaginary - but at least it's got everybody imagining it."

Bureaucrats held up by the workers.

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

Man climbs a ladder only to find the word HELP.

Sudok Fu: Sign up for class today!

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

Early Resentment Towards Yuppies.

Old age is crueller than you think kid!"

'I've reached that age where I've given up on Mind Over Matter and am concentrating on Mind Over Bladder.'

"I'm old. What's good for that?"

Age Concern and Pension concerns.

'At the Old Players' Home. . .

'If he's forgotten my birthday again, he can cook his own supper!'

"A reunion tour sounds good. Assuming we can afford the extra bus to haul your medication."

"I'm way past mid-life crisis and knee-deep in old age rage!"

Quitting smoking isn't easy!

"I fed the baby but if you don't want to see the results look away now."

"Body milk is rubbish! Not only does it taste awful in my coffee but I still have my wrinkles!"

'In the relocation game, there were few secrets. . . Bob's lads weren't just slow, they were rough!'

None of my plants do well...but I forgot I had an onion in my refrigerator, and it's sprouting leaves and growing well.

'I work two jobs so I can afford to raise the family I never have time to see.'

Acme Optometry, YOU owe $25.00.

Do you think I'm army material, Randy? I think you'd be a real asset to the army. Really? Pain is an asset, because otherwise, how would one appreciate pleasure? Loneliness is an asset, for otherwise how would one appreciate love? I think boot camp would be much cheaper than a gym membership. Death is an asset. How else would one cherish life?

'I'm not sure what's worse: Not having health care, or being so far gone I don't care.'

Pension Schemes, Pension Scams

"I think one of us was having a hot flash."

'Baby boomer caught up in the aging process.'