Geriatric Gladiator Gifts

Old man fighting against time with an arm wrestle.

Prize vegetables.

Rage.

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

His family thought he'd been wasting his life, but Steve Wiebe was about to prove everyone wrong.

"I feel your pain."

Neighbor Leaf Wars

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

"This is a test. This is only a test. IF this had been the real world it'd be your job you'd be fighting for, not a letter of the alphabet."

"Everything's gone up."

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

I'm Spartacus.

American Football.

Biker Lawn Mower

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

"I warned you before you bought it, John, that the plant is aggressive!"

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

Punishment for the kicker.

Football.

'So...worked in 'IT' long?'

'On the other hand, if I never finish anything I can't be a complete failure...'

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

"Well, dad. . . when I was a kid I got in trouble for trampling on the lawn or for beating up others. . . today, I get a lot of money for it!"

Human males marking territory.

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

"Prepare to meet thy blower."

'Get out there, Holmes, and pile on!'

Man mowing lawn that grows quicker then he can cut it!

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Waiting for the results.

"There's got to be an easier way to kill the moss in a lawn"