Gazelle Guru Gifts

'Those betel nuts went straight to my flanks.'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'But what is the universe for?'

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

'My electric car is giving me static!'

"Would you please step into the garage? Your car and I need to have a word with you."

'Oh Hi!'

'I could do that.'

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

The Rise of Modern Art

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'I think he's doing ok, the coach says he has the attention span of a goldfish.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

Organic Soldering.

Inflating Boobs.

"I've had these glasses since I was a kid, when my doctor told me I'd grow into them..."

"I've narrowed the problem down to somewhere under this big flap I discovered."

'You raised the price of air to 50c!' 'Inflation.'

The Small Business Advisor: 'The first bit of advice I'd give you for your garage start-up is to tell your dad'

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

"I'd like my daughter to know something about engines."

'Eat the grass in perfect circles. It drives them crazy.'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

"Because you're a mechanic, we're going to do your hydrotherapy in a car pool."

Creative accounting.

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

Bob’s Museum

"We're having a little trouble with our hydraulic lift. I guess my question is, do you still want your muffler replaced?"

Trying to describe the size of the Big Bang.

'My husband thought he could save money by repairing it himself.'

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'