Gargoyle Guru Gifts

'...And it comes with valuable coupons toward your next purchase.'

"Trust me, Lew, if anyone knows where the salmon are jumping, she does!"

'But what is the universe for?'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'I'm telling you Fred, this can of silver paint is going to improve your love-life!...'

'I think he's doing ok, the coach says he has the attention span of a goldfish.'

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

Trying to describe the size of the Big Bang.

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

Cosmetic Stone Mason.

'Astronomy I, Astronomy II, Astronomy III'

'And so thanks to my dad's waistline I now understand the theory of our constantly expanding universe!'

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

Dad Planet: 'Hey you KIDS! I thought i said no ORBITING in the house!'

'I could have sworn I put those moon rocks in my pocket...'

'I want you stop referring to our grant as 'The Big Dipper.''

Hippie Edibles Co.

CONGRATULATIONS On an awesome swim

Medieval sculptor hits thumb while carving a gargoyle.

Cleaning the Horse

Pay Cut for QCs: 'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'

"Are you sure they'll be able to read English?"

'I wonder how my husband is managing at the construction site with my gavel.'

Expanding Sun engulfs Planets

'Our new product has increased growth in our legal department.'

'Technically, you can't really consider these 'alien visitations'. No offence but this planet is the only dumping station in this corner of the galaxy...'

"Happy New Year!"