Gargoyle Aficionado Gifts

"Happy New Year!"

'It's called 'cause and effect.' I pound this log and Tarzan goes bananas.'

"I love an ape, secure in his masculinity!"

'I think they're up to something.'

Zoo. Diet Clinic. Hey everybody --- There's no longer an 800-pound gorilla in the room!

Football Crazy strip six

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

Giant gorilla peers at female victim. She says into cellphone: "I can't talk now, he's right here."

'Because it was there, Dave, because it was there.'

Fellow Sheep of the Ring

"We received another message from that scoundrel Robin Hood, sire!"

"Rob is a functioning train wreck."

Cosmetic Stone Mason.

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

'...And it comes with valuable coupons toward your next purchase.'

Monk Graffiti

"Hey. Stop that. You're creeping us out."

They're souvenir magnets from all the places we've done battle.

"Good grief, Wilson! At least act like you're enjoying it! It's for my blog!"

"Welcome to your new home Sire. There isn't an enemy in the land that will penetrate these three foot thick stone walls."

"Now that's just low-down mean."

"Next time, I'm flying business class."

Medieval sculptor hits thumb while carving a gargoyle.

"He was chained to his kennel, and since I have opposable thumbs, I was able to remove his collar and set him free..."

'What's wrong with you?'

'Great invention, Rex! What are you going to call it?'

'Honey, I need the Drano again!'

"I asked you to enrich the gorilla's environment not recreate a scene from 'King Kong'."

'... And I've been meaning to talk to you, about what I found floating in the moat this morning!'

'They took me off the endangered species list? They wouldn't dare!'

'You're not the only eight hundred pound gorilla in the room, you know.'

The Trouble With Autonomous Vehicles

Doug finally got a chance to use his karate and he forgot to make the ceremonial bow.'

"I don't care if he's an endangered species, captain - I'm going to blast him."

And make sure my daughter is back by 10pm: You really don't want to see me angry!