Gazing Guru Gifts

Vending machines read: Snacks/Coffee/Stare out the window.

'It's impossible to say how many rings Saturn has.'

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

Handbag store - "Perfect."

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

'She's so put together!'

A women in a shoeshop.

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

'Good news - basic black is being shown this season.'

"Why bother?"

If nobody had invented graphics

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

Bottle Bank: For the Colour Blind.

"Absolutely not!"

'Oh Hi!'

Keeping warm.

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

'I could do that.'

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

Mr Metrosexual.

'This is our bestselling power tie. Just put it on and clap twice.'

The Rise of Modern Art

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

At the suit makers

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

'Do you like my little black number?'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

'Trust me, it's very proper to mix stripes.'

"It's the only way I can justify buying so many shoes."

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"